Hello Hello

Well, now that I've been put on this whole blogging game I'm excited that I get to share my ideas and struggles with everyone. So lately, I've been going through a lot. I've recently moved into my own spot which is a very big step into adulthood for me. This makes me feel liberated and on my own even more than I did before. I also just got over feelings that I've had for my ex-fiance for years. This realization has made me feel indescribable.  I've always thought that he would be my one. We have gone through a lot together and I had to know that he wasn't gonna be here for me when I came back from Japan. But the time that I spent out there changed me and I was determined that love was not for me. I was on my own, doing me and living life without a man, especially without him. I always thought about him and occasionally he called me or I called him. But he was with someone while I was overseas and I was alone (in theory). Nevertheless, I still wanted to be with him, I just wasn't ready to trust him or any other man. When I returned to the states, we talked about getting back together and I told him that I wasn't ready to let go of what he did in the past or trust him. So we left well enough alone, I didn't know he was going to move on without me though. I was gonna wait on him so I thought of course he'd wait on me. But he didn't and it hurt so bad. I didn't want to give up on us so of course I threw myself at him and asked myself why did I not get back with him right away. I blamed myself for not being with him while the offer was still valid, not knowing that love never expires. Now he has a girlfriend and I was alone and crying and blaming myself for losing the greatest thing since pockets. Then I just got tired of crying and blaming myself and ultimately being number 2.  I realized that I'm not supposed to be number 2 to anyone and that I'd rather be number 1 to me than number 2 to him. So now I'm over him and I'm glad to say that I'm not beating myself up anymore or singing sad ass love songs and reminiscing on times that we used to do whatever. I'm happy being single. I'm happy and content with me. I'm not looking for Mr.Right. If Mr.Right wants to get to me, he'll have to find me. So, now that that's done, I am so excited to be in my first apartment. I don't have much of anything right now!! I have an air mattress and my clothes. I forgot that food does not come with the apartment so I went out and bought some food but only like frozen entrees and noodles...lol!! I don't have any pots and pans or anything, but I'm just glad to be on my own!! I love to write poetry and sing, so I'll be posting some of my poetry on here pretty soon. So this is my first blog  so now that I have somewhere to vent, I will be!!!  Later...Ms.Kat